I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
