Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
