i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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