i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
