I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
