We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
