so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
