So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
