I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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