I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
