I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
