She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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