quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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