Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
