Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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