I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
