I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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