The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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