i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
