So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
this hospital has no fireball
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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