the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
