yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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