you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
