Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
