is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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