He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
