hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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