Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
