Your mouth is God's brothel.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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