So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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