He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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