He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
