My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need to sanitize my soul.
So vagazzling was a success
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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