So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
