Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
