I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Two words: blizzard sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
