I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
