Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
