I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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