u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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