That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
