shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
