i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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