You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Congratulations! We have a period
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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