Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
