You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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