Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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