this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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