Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
