girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need water and some morals
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
