Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
