Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need to calm my uterus...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
