Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
