FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I enjoy the company of your penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
