Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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