the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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