Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
