dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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