Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
