matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
