when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
