If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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