The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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