I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
