I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
