My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
