I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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