woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
