Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
