Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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