I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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