Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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